My neck hurts

Somebody come over and give me a neck rub. Not a massage where you give a few cursory squeezes and try to feel me up, then puss out saying "my hands hurt now". I need some deep tissue loving.

Since I've had the flu I've been either sleeping, sitting in my comfy chair checking everybody's profiles and looking at their dirty dirty pictures, laying in bed reading and\or watching tv, or sitting in the bath. I've been outside twice in the past week, and that was just to give a friend a ride to work and stop off at the market to buy more Nyquil. I'm usually pretty active, so this sedentary lifestyle foisted upon me has completely ruined me. I have aches and pains from being sick, sure, but my neck is mostly hurting from reading in bed.

Most of my friends know I'm an avid reader. Which reminds me... I need to get my Phillip K. Dick book back from Viktor Vektor in exchange for his that I borrowed. So anyways, in the past week I've read 6 books, including the new McAffrey one "Dragon's Kin" which came out Tuesday. I got it at 10 AM Tuesday and finished it around 6 that night. I then read "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman, and I read half of "The Elder Gods" by David and Leigh Eddings.

Enough of my geek book reading and back to the subject: my goddamn neck.

Does anybody know a good masseuse that makes housecalls or personally wants to come over and knead the knots out before I break the damn thing out of spite? I can't afford much, but I can draw you a pretty picture if you do. Just don't try to take advantage of my feeble state because I have two cats that are very protective that will rip your throat out if you get out of line.

Unless you're hot of course.